Please Don't Cancel the Office Christmas Party

It's incredible that companies are cancelling Christmas parties. In an effort to save a buck, companies are depriving hard-working men and women of that once-a-year opportunity to drink too much, make awkward advances, and generally act like the total weirdos they actually are outside of work.

Office parties help people survive their jobs. It used to be that  after employees had to suffer 12 months of going to a cubicle and doing a job they hate, they would be rewarded with a half  day where they got stale cookies and free cups of warm sparkling  cider in the conference room. And now they're taking that away?
It's bad for morale. The only thing workers have left keeping  them at their jobs is free internet and the chance to get away  from their kids.

I mean, at what other occasion do I get to play that White Elephant game? You know, the one where you try and steal each other's gifts. It always starts fun, but never ends that way. In the beginning people are laughing and having fun. Then an hour later you’ve got two best friends who won’t speak for a month over a 9-pack of Starbucks flavored coffee. Hey, it’s a $10 gift. It’s not worth going to jail over. Imagine sitting in you cell, “What are you in for? "Well... I really wanted that Sham Wow.”

I understand businesses want to cut costs. But there are ways to cut costs without cancelling the company Christmas party.

• Let's just say, if you don't supply it, people will bring their own toilet paper.
• Instead of mixed drinks, serve PBR. Hey, that’s American!
• Forget catering, have a pot luck dinner. It allows employees to show off their culinary skills, and it allows you to have your own personal episode of Fear Factor.
• Raffle off a job at a better company.
• Really mismanage the whole thing and the government will bail you out.

People can't get money from their jobs anymore, they should at least get something. So please don't cancel the Christmas party.